Anonymous
21 September 2022
“I know someone who was asked ‘Is it the wrong time of the month?’ and she had just had a miscarriage”
I’ve experienced inappropriate touching from patients. I had a guy say ‘I don’t like you with your hair up – I’d like to see it down.’ As soon as you get close to a patient, ‘Can I have a kiss?’ is a common one. Fortunately, now that we do Volk on everyone we don’t get that close. I was doing ophthalmoscopy on a young man and he said ‘If you lean over a bit more I reckon I could see your bra, do your knickers match?’
Quite often it can be professional, younger men. Because they are not in the office anymore, they think ‘I can say what I like to members of the opposite sex’. Often it happens at the end of the sight test. You might be walking out of the room, they are behind you and the hand goes on your bum.
Maybe we could make people a cup of tea if they’re having a tough day rather than making a thoughtless remark
I saw a guy who was a medical professor who put his arm around my waist while I was doing ophthalmoscopy. I had only looked at one eye. I took his hand and put it on his lap and said, ‘That is very unprofessional’ and continued with the sight test. I made sure I never saw him again.
It beggars belief. It would never occur to me to make a pass at my male dentist. You cross the threshold and you are conscious that this is a clinical, professional environment. It would be interesting to know if other people have experienced what I have, because I suspect I am not alone.
I spent my life making excuses for people like that but I’m old now – I feel like if anyone can benefit from the experiences I have gone through then I want to help. I’ve only got a few years left of practising and I can handle most things, but I can’t imagine how threatening this behaviour must be to a new graduate optometrist.
When I worked in academia, I had a male colleague who would stand looking over my shoulder while I was writing lectures to make sure I was doing it correctly. When I told him to leave me to it, as I had more experience than him, this optometrist would say ‘Are you having a menopausal mood swing?’
What you do about it is the problem – you become so accustomed to it, that you just bite your lip and you do nothing. It shouldn’t be like that. I think that is what the 100% Respect campaign could help people with.
My children are at university now, but in the past, when I asked for a pay rise, I was told that I decided to take time off to have children so had to lower my expectations. That has held back my salary even though I work as hard as everyone else. Just because I have ovaries and a womb, I am not seen as having the same value as a male colleague.
I think it would be helpful if people were educated around issues like menopause and menstruation. You can’t help it if your ovaries are packing up and you’re feeling a bit under the weather. You didn’t choose that. I know someone who was asked ‘Is it the wrong time of the month?’ and she had just had a miscarriage. Maybe we could make people a cup of tea if they’re having a tough day rather than making a thoughtless remark.
● As told to Selina Powell.
Comments (3)
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Anonymous23 September 2022
I've repeatedly had old men make inappropriate comments to me. Including but not limited to:
"I hope your boyfriend appreciates how small your waist is"
"What are you doing later for dinner"
"Where do you live? Where exactly- what street do you live on?"
Male patients can be an issue but I've also found male colleagues too can make inappropriate comments. They often don't mean any harm but they are comments which are not made to any male colleagues. For example comments on your weight or what you're wearing. I've had various conservatively dressed work outfits commented on "your outfit looks like ...." followed by a remark- to date includes "a schoolgirl", "you're going to a funeral", "you're going to Wimbledon", "you're going on a summer holiday". Comments on weight include "I would say you've lost 5-10% of your body weight recently- how come?".
I think the profession as well as the patients could benefit from educating about what comments are appropriate or not in a work setting.
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Anonymous23 September 2022
When I was newly qualified I had a few incidents happen to me and when I told the manager and other staff at the practice, it was laughed off. But I remember how uncomfortable it made me. 15 years on sometimes I still get scared with certain male patients and want to leave the room.
A patient once took off his trousers when I left the room to get some fluorescein. One patient grabbed my hand as I tried to do ophthalmoscopy and wouldn't let go of it it unless I gave him a kiss. I ran out of there petrified.
I hope that young women now feel they can speak up and will be taken seriously.
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Anonymous23 September 2022
I had a patient trying to come onto me in the test room as his wife was sat outside in the waiting area. He told me I had an attractive voice, amongst other inappropriate comments, and I felt very uncomfortable. I felt his eyes all over me.
It actually made me question whether I wanted to continue to work with the public.
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